Mama Not Making…
I am living in my administrative brain right now. I don’t believe that we’re ever not making, really, ’cause if you’re engaged, you’re bound to create something. I think. But living in my adminbrain, I’m not writing poems. Not rendering images. Not making any ‘zines or knitting any armwarmers.
I miss making. I love developing systems for efficient and effective education of young children, but you can’t hold that in your hands. You can’t point to it.
I’m an irresponsible busy artmama. I should have a small notebook on my person at all times, and a pen, so I can jot notes or dash off sketches of my ideas whenever they come to me. I should be keeping quick records of my ideas since I don’t have leisure creative time the way I used to (but never really realized. Any childless artists out there who may be unencumbered by some weighty, time-consuming, life-consuming responsibility, get your ass from in front of the TV or computer, and go make something). But I’m not doing that. When I remember my notebook, I’ve forgotten my pen. When I get a moment to write, I’d rather sleep. When I’m determined to write something out, I realize I haven’t played with my daughter yet today.
Understand, I am IN NO WAY saying that becoming a parent = death of creative life. To accept that is to succumb to a line of reasoning that is rooted in bullshit. What I’m saying is that your creative life is a privilege. Not a given. Creative expression is like freedom - if you want it, you have to fight for it. The extent to which you fight for it is the extent to which it belongs to you.
So I guess I’m declaring that I’ve been a bit lazy. I’ve taken my creativity for granted. sure, I’ve been busy and tired and stressed and preoccupied. But that’s no reason to take your gifts for granted. I have to stop making excuse. It’s so easy to make excuses about why it’s hard to do what we want to do.
To my credit, I have been writing in my blogs. So I don’t guess I should be too hard on myself - blogging is the easiest way for me to flex my creative brain outside of my internship, and sometimes the easiest way is the only way. But my creative life has been getting the shorter end of the proverbial stick as of late - I need to make a point of paying more attention to it.
I actually think balance is ultimately impossible, but the effort toward it is totally essential. No one can balance what any of us is expected to balance. But trying will make us better people if we don’t kill ourselves in the process. Does that make sense?
Anyway, baby wakes…
Atena
ACT NOW - Help Protect CODEPINK Women Traveling With Humanitarian Aid Convoy to Lebanon!
This action alert was found on hipmama.com, posted by PlacentaMom.
August 12, 2006
Dear hipMamas,
CODEPINK women Medea Benjamin, Gael Murphy and Diane Wilson are risking their lives to bring aid to Southern Lebanon and to expose the atrocities, please help protect them in their passage.
Contact the Israeli Embassy in Washington DC and the Israeli Consulate in New York today to let them know that there is international attention on the Humanitarian Aid Convoy composed of Lebanese and U.S. citizens as well as other Internationals that plans to bring much needed aid to the thousands of civilians that are dying in Southern Lebanon from thirst, hunger and disease brought about by the bombing.
Let them know that we expect safe passage for this convoy - they must know the whole world is watching!
In Solidarity,
Allison, Anedra, Dana, Erin, Farida, Gael, Jodie, Katie, Laura, Medea, Meredith, Nancy, Rae, Samantha and Tiffany
CALL TODAY!
Amir Maimon - Minister-Counselor and Head of Department
Eynat Shlein-Michael - Counselor for Middle Eastern Affairs
Reuven Azar - Counselor for Political Affairs
Israel Embassy Washington DC Political Department
Tel: (202) 364-5581/2
Fax: (202) 364-5490
New York Israel Consulate General
Tel: (212) 499-5000
In Solidarity,
Allison, Anedra, Dana, Erin, Farida, Gael, Jodie, Katie, Laura, Medea, Meredith, Nancy, Rae, Samantha and Tiffany
Reflecting on Parents in Community…
Per our last chat session, I’ve been thinking about what it means for parents to get together. Parents finding community together is important on so many levels. For learning about other perspectives on parenting, or just having someone to relate to - if I tell expectant parents anything it’s this: make sure you’ve got some friends have have kids too, preferably kids who are the same age. Those friends will save your life.
When I was pregnant, I got plugged into the community at HipMama.com, and was immediately hooked. So many moms with so much to share, just when I was on the brink of a major life transition - it was just what I needed.
That wasn’t my first experience participating in online communities - I’ve been working with yahoo groups for a few years now. But there was something about the Hip Mama users was different - maybe because it was a group of people who were able to navigate the internet and website without assistance, or maybe this group were more demographically similar - I don’t know. But it was great.
Now, a little more than a year later, I don’t log on as much as I used to. Every now and again, I lurk around, and sometimes I jump in with a comment or a message. But my needs are constantly changing. Right now, I need more Real, Live Parent action - hanging out with parents, havin’ playdates, creating that space where we can hear the kids, and lend a hand, and share space with another adult. Which is funny, considering all the time I spend online blogging. I love finding online networks and communities, but there’s no denying the very real need to call up my mom friends and say ‘Hey, wanna come over?’ or ‘How about a walk?’ For one thing, it gets me out of the house. I was surprised at how easy it was to spend a week not even thinking about leaving the house when my daughter was younger. Now I think about it, and I find a way to make it happen, because it’s not healthy to stay shut up with a baby. Babies are great, but adults need to stretch out and walk a bit from time to time.
So now we’re looking for more parents to hang out with, which I’m psyched about. I’d like to see what other parents are in the neighborhood and what kind of connections we can make. I’m hoping to meet some more fathers that are cool to hang out with and get to know. I was reading Daddy Dialectic, where they were discussing the potential of the development of Daddy Wars, and the issue was raised that there stay-at-home dads tend to be more isolated in the wider parenting community. I see them occasionally at the park, but the park has such a wierd vibe going on when you’re meeting other parents - it’s like the first day of school, except we’ve all got a really great excuse not to talk each other in our kids. I try to be more outgoing and friendly, but I only have so much energy. Anyway, I’ll step up the friendliness when I’m feeling up to it.
I really hope we can create a functional parents’ action network - a group that kind find tangible, concrete ways to address issues that concern us as parents. Parents are such an untapped resource for action and change. We have to address this somehow if we actually want to see change in our lifetimes. And I think we can all at least agree that something needs to change. Less with the psycho-capitalism, more with the sustainable living.
Anyway, I’m getting tired. Babygirl is teething - she was quite a force to be reckoned with today, very demanding, very stealthy. I think I’ll just chill before I go to bed.
G’night, All!
Atena
In which a harpy reflects on her sins
So what’s the deal with my being so down on per-blogging (i may or may not have just made up that word — it’s a variation based on per-zines.) There are a couple of personal blogs I currently read that are quite awesome and they deal with the same issues as the ones that make my skin crawl. Is it the style of writing? Is it really shallow of me to want to be entertained, essentially? When it comes down to it, blogs are written for an audience and to essentially entertain others. They’re not diaries or super-secret journals otherwise they wouldn’t be online. And the blog entries that kinda whine and hint about some aspect of one’s life without really fleshing out details are basically the equivalent of playing that game where you dare someone to tease information out of you. You know the one where the person you’re sitting with suddenly says, “Oh wow” or “Man!” or makes some kind of tooth-sucking noise and then wait until you say, “what?” Can you tell I hate that game?
So, it’s confessional time. I’m hoping to add this to our regular diablogging so hopefully Atena will be interested in doing this too. I have to confess that I harbored such evil thoughts about a toddler yesterday. We walked up to a nearby park and I was watching Henry playing. He’s at the age where I can now sit back a bit and watch him do various things without having to hover to ensure his safety. Anyway, there was a cherubic little fella sitting across from Henry and it looked like they were about to do some intense staring or scar comparison or what have you. Henry reaches down and picks up a handful of mulch. I thought perhaps he might show this new aquisition to his companion but instead he tossed the handful in the air at the other child. You would have thought someone had told this other kid that he can never see his favorite toy again. He had an utterly mortified look on his face. I kind of floundered and tried to capture Henry and impress upon him that this was not the best sort of playground behavior (he’s not even two — you can’t impress much upon him yet). The other little boy just sat there, still stunned. And sat. And sat. He probably sat there for about five minutes before he started trying to get his mother’s attention, still sitting in the same spot with bits of mulch around and stuck to him. He was a pitiful sight. Finally, after we’d moved on to the swings, his mom answered him and I noticed he was pointing in our direction. Here’s the confession part. The whole time I felt no remorse or sadness that my child had made another child sad. My thought was, “What a wimp! This kid will never make it on the playground if a little mulch SHATTERS HIS WHOLE WORLD.” My god, am I going to raise a bully? Am I that much of an evil, mean girl that I can think such things about a kid who’s probably only three years old? I better go read some Leo Buscalia or paint some happy little clouds.
andrea